Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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