shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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