My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
