So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
