Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
