That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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