She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
