Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
