Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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