Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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