Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
