I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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