I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
