Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
