I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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