I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
