dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
