He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
