peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
