i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
