just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
