is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
