You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
