So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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