i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
