Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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