Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
