he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
