I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
