your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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