Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
