I want to stick my p in your. b.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
