"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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