Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
