The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
