What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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