Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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