At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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