I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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