Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
