I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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