so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
