after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
