i just wanna soil my oats bro
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
bring money and cleavage
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
