I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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