The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
