11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
