ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
