To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
