dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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